Self Portrait Polaroid, 1996-97

Self portrait taken with a Polaroid camera in 1996-97. I had just moved back in with my mom who was beginning to need some help with things at age 78-79. After New York I had found some interesting work with publishers, both full time and freelance. I began to hone my Photoshop skills but by this time I found myself managing a Sir Speedy copy center in New Haven. It turned out to be one of the best times of my adult life. My mom would die in '99 and then things began to percolate, lol.

And Thus the Season Begins. . .

This is the first year I've had miniature Daffodils in my yard! I placed the camera right on the ground for this photo. Though the perspective makes them look large, they are only 4-inches high! My friend, Lisa Mikulski, gave me these bulbs last year just before she moved to Sweden. Although she may be thousands of miles away, her flowers are going to be in my garden for years to come!

 

I think the aroma of hyacinths is among the best in all of flowerland! I love the scent of roses and lilacs, and virtually every flower, but there is something about Hyacinths that is just pure sweetness without any overtones of anything else. My friend Nikki gave me these bulbs a few years ago and they're just about the first flowers to ever bloom in the spring.

 

I think I posted almost exactly the same photo last year, lol, but it's a sure sign of spring when the turtles emerge from their winter rest and start sunning themselves at Tuxis Pond again!

Yes, my African Violets are indoor plants, but they are just beginning to bloom again from their winter greenery. This bright magenta one has huge blossoms. Each is more than an inch-and-a-half wide. The other two plants in this violet garden are about to bloom, one of them for the very first time, so stay tuned for more photos in the weeks to come!

Bonus Photo

 

On a wall near my violets hangs this self-portrait from 1983. It's cut paper, pen, and Saran wrap. Hard to believe it's 30 years old this year.

Selfies—Breakthrough. Finally.

Self Portrait Series, May 2012—I've created self portraits since I was a little kid. I drew them at first, then sometime during college I began using a camera. I probably have a thousand "selfies." I'll do a retrospective using them someday, but for the past several years, I've been deleting them as fast as I can shoot them. I'm just not the person I see in the photographs.

For the past 7-8 years, the exterior I photographed wasn't the person I was inside. And I don't really just mean figuratively. I literally didn't recognize the person I was shooting. I was heavier, I was older. I was more pedestrian. It didn't seem to matter if I was actually fatter, or if I was wearing boring clothes or had a bad haircut, there was a complete dichotomy between who I was inside and what I looked like outside when I saw myself in a photo. 

I know it's hard to understand for people with "normal" wants and needs, and I frequently wish I was normal, but I'm not. I'm alone in this life, for one. Being an artist, I suppose that translates into a fairly intense egotistical existence. I've had mental health issues the past several years. I've had "regular" health issues the past several years. I've had dire financial issues which continue to this day. I really didn't think I'd ever recognize the person in the camera anymore. It freaked me out. I feel like Casey inside but I look like Stephen, or Calvin, or Edmund outside. In other words, I had stopped taking self-portraits and was photographing someone else. Until tonight.

Let me backtrack a second. Today, President Obama came out for marriage equality. He said he felt that gay people in committed relationships should have the right to marry. While I live in Connecticut and we already have legal same-sex marriages, the fact that the President of the United States came out with such a forceful personal opinion, really hit home with me. It was emotional. Just like the time in 1969 when Judy Garland died, and I asked my Uncle Bill to take some Polaroids of me because I wanted to remember that day forever, I decided I wanted to capture "me" on this historic day. I had no expectations. Well, actually I expected to hate them. I expected to take 25 photos of whoever showed up in the lens, delete 24 of them, and just save one crappy one for a future art project. I was shocked when I downloaded them onto my Mac: There I was.

There I was, the same person was staring back at me as I was inside. I recognized me. I saw ME. I didn't see a man that was passing for me. I saw the same person I was when I was 25 years old just 30 years older. It was a breakthrough.

I don't know if it's a one-time thing. I don't know if tomorrow I'll go back to not knowing the person I'm photographing. And I don't know if I have adequately expressed how important this has been to me, as an artist, as a man with issues, as a man alone in this world. But I'm taking it for what it is: A gift. A remembrance of who I was and who I am. I'll take it for today!

Reflected in a vintage mirror, with 100 year old pewter candlesticks and a ceramic "pocketbook" vase from the 1940s. That wooden cat has been mine since I was 10 years old.

Reflected in my bathroom mirror with its somewhat tacky frosted floral design embossed on it.

Reflected in a mirror embossed with a gold Rolls-Royce "Spirit of Ecstacy" logo etched on it. My father gave me this mirror for my 12th birthday in 1969. He bought it on Madison Ave in Manhattan, a fact I know because the business card of the retailer is still in the corner of it, lol!

Yes, the flash is obtrusive but I've shot images like this for years. I like the randomness of the flash area. The fact that my eyes and my face match my thoughts, and my past self-portraits, is really a breakthrough for me.

I love this photo. My salt-and-pepper hair has a white streak in front and I've cut it so it stands straight up in a point. I'm wearing my usual "Lenny & Joe's" T-shirt, a local seafood restaurant. I have at least fifty of their shirts and wear them daily. 

Bedroom in a Puddle, Face in a Muddle

On the Road Again, Literally—Walking towards home the other day, my bedroom window was perfectly captured in an afternoon puddle in the road. Soon, the woods will fill out with leaves and Pink Gardens will hardly be seen until you're right in front of it.

On the Road Again, Figuratively—Playing around with the built-in camera on my new iMac late last night, (on loan from my publisher), I wondered, "When did I turn into Willie Nelson, lol?"

On the Road Again, Psychedelically—With that awesome Sixties perspective, posted today is Canned Heat's cover of a 1953 song by Floyd Jones, not Willie Nelson's classic of the same name. Skip the ad in the beginning if it shows up. I hate the fact that YouTube is placing ads in videos now.

Oh What the Hell. The Plain Unvarnished Truth*

*With all due respect to Peter De Lorenzo who speaks the real unvarnished truth every week at his Autoextremist.com website.

My 2003 self portrait sitting in my almost new Mercedes Benz E320. This was the end of my long, 25 year run in the fast lane, just before I spent every penny I ever made or inherited. Details to come in my forthcoming autobiography. The working title is great btw, lol. We'll see if it makes it through to the end.

2006 self portrait. I was growing my hair out for the first time since 1980, and dying it a realistic reddish brown instead of green or blue or orange as I had in the past. I'd been clean for two years but not thrilled about it.

Self portrait 2007. Yes, I was probably wearing the same shirt as in 2006. I had stopped dying my hair and my silver streak was back with a vengeance. I was actually born with a few silver hairs in the front of my head, and had them in the front of my "widow's peak" my entire life, but the rest of my hair was catching up with that streak. And yes, Truman Capote was not the only queen that had periods of massive weight gain and loss. At this point I was probably forty pounds heavier than my 2003 self portrait. Again, acknowledging my "clean" life but not terribly happy about my appearance. I ended up growing my hair all the way down to my shoulders. I have no idea why, lol, and one day, I just clipped it all off, shaving it with a razor down to the scalp.

My most recent self portrait from 2010. The hair is entirely gray/salt and pepper. I've lost weight, gained weight, and probably begun to lose it again. My "soul patch" is just about the only constant in my appearance since 2003. I'm old. I look old. I feel young. I walk to town every day in the winter, and ride to town on my bike every day in the warmer months. My life is teeny-tiny compared to my years in Manhattan and New Haven. My night life consists of what's on TV, My love life consists of my antiques. One of my biggest daily thrills is the first pot of percolated coffee of a blend of my own creation. I've made more lasting art in the past five years than I did in the previous twenty-five years, and I'm happy about that. I no longer think of life as a series of "what ifs" as it is a remembrance of what was. I no longer care about what the future might bring. I just hope I can create all of the rest of the art in my head before I can't physically do it anymore.

What the hell! This is me today. The plain unvarnished truth.

Self Portrait, 1982

Self Portrait, oil pastels on paper, 12 x 18 inches, 1982.

M Y   A R T — It's so interesting for me to go back and look at my earlier pieces of art. When I was working on stuff like this all those decades ago, each piece was random to me. I've worked on perhaps one hundred self portraits, in all sorts of mediums. I've done hundreds, if not thousands of doodles and sketchs and paintings of varied subjects. For each one, I only thought about that singular piece as I was working. I never gave a thought to any sort of overriding "arc" of work, or any sort of grand scheme. When I look at these early pieces though, I can see the nascent elements of my current art—repetitive graphic elements, check; a rainbow of colors used in odd ways, check; well-cropped subjects, check.

I was probably listening to music like Talking Heads, Elvis Costello, The Pretenders or The Cars during this early '80s period.

Self-Portrait #4,092. Analog AND Digital

Rendered on wood or an electronic file? Yes. Click to enlarge, if you dare!

M Y   A R T — "Analog and digital" describes this self-portrait because it exists in the physical realm, on wood, and yet it actually exists only in pixels on your monitor. The background of this piece, everything but the superimposed 'big' head, exists on a plywood base, and consists of my now-usual mix of paint, paper, and polyurethanes. You can touch it, and hang it on your wall. In fact it is hanging in my friend Meghan's home right now. The small images include various photos of me as a young child, and of my father, my mother and my aunt Hoohoo, all instrumental in helping to foster and develop my artistic soul. Images of me in my twenties, include my shirtless punk period with a Mohawk 'do—Polaroids playing around with a plastic nun figurine, bold and brash with a mix of meek and mild. The painted plaids, in this piece, tie all of these incarnations together in a loose, ragged, haphazard manner, evocative of so many of our lives. The large face superimposed over the wooden piece, however, is a recent digital photo of me. It's overlayed in Photoshop, making this form of the self-portrait "real" only in pixel form. There is no printout, or painting or multimedia piece extant. I think I may print it out and use it in some other piece, as a section of a new piece, but I may just leave it as is. I like the concept of some of my art being purely digital, some of my art having physical representations on wood, and some pieces bridging the gap between the two mediums.

Duality—but Then Again, I AM a Gemini

It's ironic, and just a bit interesting psychologically probably, that my art is about finding those shared common emotional experiences we all have tucked away somewhere, and I've only been able to do that by becoming a recluse. From a life spent out in the public eye, in both my day- and my night-life, while obsessively keeping my emotional distance from anyone and everyone, I now find myself at the opposite end of the spectrum, and finding it really comfortable there. I've shut myself off physically, but opened my emotions to the world via my art.

The Only Time I've Used Glitter. So Far.

Self Portrait: Scarf Sculpture, Bugs Bunny, und Ich. 

I scanned this in 4 pieces and pieced them together in Photoshop. There is no original photo. The piece was placed on the scanner glass and shot directly. I think this is the way to get more detail in the overall images. 15 x 18 inches on wood. Click for the closer view.

M Y   A R T — As one of the glazes on this multiple-image self-portrait, I mixed in two colors of dime-store glitter, metallic lime green and metallic royal blue. Then through sanding and further glazing, the glitter ends up a fairly restrained addition, lol. Images include a scarf sculpture installation from 2003,with dangling vintage rhinestone jewelry, various collectibles, and a mix of digital and film prints.

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man: Ancient Photos from 1983 Unearthed. Oh My!

Self-Portrait, 1983. This was a period where I went out at night in suits from the '40s. I went everywhere with my trusty Nikon, almost never without it. This was on my way into one of the est Seminars I used to partake in. (With all due respect to James Joyce whose autobiography's title I cribbed for this post.)

I really don't remember those glasses or that mustache, I really don't! I'm not sure why I have so many wrinkles on my neck either. I was 140-142 lbs then. If I got 'up' to 145 I stopped eating for a few days, lol. In the early '90s, at my craziest New York City chic, I was down to 115-117 lbs and I'm 5'10". I'm about 165 lbs these days, probably not terrible in the big picture for a 53 year old, but I'm always trying to lose weight. By the late '80s I had switched to contact lenses. I still have contacts, bifocal contacts now (!) but I rarely wear them. I wear frameless glasses now which almost disappear from a few feet away.

There are VERY few photos of me at my current age. I experiment with self portraits still, but they're not for public consumption until I need one for the About the Author page in my book...

These photos are scanned from contact sheets, hence the less-than-stellar quality. I never bothered to print 90% of the photos I shot, and today it's almost impossible to find anyone that prints from negatives anymore. The last time I called around and found someone that could print negatives, they wanted $10 PER PRINT (normal size) and a $30 service charge per order. I didn't even bother to ask what an 8x10 would cost, which is the size I would have wanted. I had more than 200 negatives all ready to be printed, thinking it would cost maybe $50 at the most for all of them. I should really invest in a dark room and some chemicals! Some times I  wish it was 1983 again just for the prices of services. . .

I've scanned almost 100 photos like this from contact sheets from this period—from winter snow storms, to the scooter my uncle committed suicide on, to strangers I met on the road, and will post them here from time to time. I haven't decided if I'll use them in any of my art yet.

Lincolns for Today and Tomorrow (and a short treatise on my obsession with typography)

Detail of a 'kinetic design' Lincoln Town Car. This car was designed a few years ago. This rendering was to simulate the car at the clay model stage, ready for review. I'm already a bit tired of 'kinetic design,' lol. This could have been cutting edge for the marque 3 years ago. Click on each photo to enlarge and see in detail.

Mid-size AWD Lincoln MKE would replace Fusion-based MKZ.

All new, and I mean it, AWD compact Lincoln CrossStar 5 door hatch. The two rear doors would be 'access hatches' and would enlarge the opening to the rear seat, but only after the front doors were opened. They would be electronically opened activated by the keyfob, as would the rear hatch. No matter what the size of future Lincolns, they would be FILLED with electronics, full connectivity and luxurious materials.

 A new Lincoln Mark coupe, based on the MKT crossover.

Ultra Lux Mark crossover coupe that goes in an ENTIRELY new direction. Chop based on the Aston Martin Lagonda concept.

I posted this chop with a shorter trunk a couple of weeks ago, but the longer version fits in with this category so well, here it is. A new full-length Town Car based on the MKT Ecoboost crossover.

From the Past: Slinkin' Lincoln

Old-School Kustom 1970 Continental, my Slinkin' Lincoln. Although one NEVER sees a 1970-71 Lincoln these days, with the exception of the Mark III, I've been in love with the clean lines of the this series since they were introduced. If they only had suicide rear doors they'd be PERFECT, lol. I chopped the roof, extended the grille, removed the B pillar, "fixed" the doors so they'd open properly, and cleaned up a bit of trim. If I was Chip Foose, I'd build this car NOW!

BTW:

A Little Bit About the Type on my Digital Pieces

Two words. Two fonts. Self-portrait, 2003, an homage to my earliest typographical memory.

One of my earliest memories of noticing typography was on my first piano teacher's VW Karmann-Ghia. I  started taking lessons at age 5, after having been taught by my mother since I was two, and I can distinctly remember the "Karmann" being in Roman capitals, and the "Ghia" being more of a script font and angled slightly. I was fascinated that two words could use two different types. I started printing some words, and using cursive on others, although I had yet to learn the Palmer Method. Seven or eight years ago, I took a bunch of photos of my friend Sue's incredibly perfectly restored K-G to send to a car magazine in the UK (they used the photos too). This is a digital self-portrait I created from the photo of the trunk of her car, painted Porsche's Guards Red, in tribute to my first memories of the way typography can be used in creative ways.

I've been setting and using type professionally since 1981 when I started out at my local weekly newspaper company in the art/paste up department. Within 3 months I was the art director of 28 local weekly papers, 5 classified sections and a couple of pennysaver-type editions. Back in the Middle Ages of the early 1980s, we set type on a Compugraphic system  which ran out the text in long sheets of paper, which we then manually sliced with scissors to fit on the pages. We had preset type sizes and premade font choices. I pushed the typesetters to the edge of the envelope and beyond in my quest for the "perfect" headline font or art page type treatment. 

When I was promoted to New York, to Women's Wear Daily and the rest of the Fairchild Publications, the Macintosh was just coming into vogue. I became the technical art director in charge of installing these 'new fangled  computers' in all of the art departments. I travelled extensively, going to all the new Apple shows. I became professionally acquainted with the QuarkXpress people, helping them 'beta' their emerging page program in real-world situations. I've been taught by the best typographers out there, putting up with their heinous personalities in many cases, lol, just to learn how to play with type effectively. 

Fonts are one of my true loves in this digital world. I spend a lot of time on kerning, the inter-character spacing, on the letter forms, on the leading, (the space between lines) and every other aspect of the typed word. Sometimes I've found myself spending more time on the type than I did on the Photoshop portion of the rendering. I'm a bit upset with Blogspot's type controls—they're very rudimentary, nonintuitive and seemingly fairly random in execution. I'm not really able to control many aspects of the way the type appears on this blog, but I'm pushing it... As usual.