Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Oh What the Hell. The Plain Unvarnished Truth*

*With all due respect to Peter De Lorenzo who speaks the real unvarnished truth every week at his Autoextremist.com website.

My 2003 self portrait sitting in my almost new Mercedes Benz E320. This was the end of my long, 25 year run in the fast lane, just before I spent every penny I ever made or inherited. Details to come in my forthcoming autobiography. The working title is great btw, lol. We'll see if it makes it through to the end.

2006 self portrait. I was growing my hair out for the first time since 1980, and dying it a realistic reddish brown instead of green or blue or orange as I had in the past. I'd been clean for two years but not thrilled about it.

Self portrait 2007. Yes, I was probably wearing the same shirt as in 2006. I had stopped dying my hair and my silver streak was back with a vengeance. I was actually born with a few silver hairs in the front of my head, and had them in the front of my "widow's peak" my entire life, but the rest of my hair was catching up with that streak. And yes, Truman Capote was not the only queen that had periods of massive weight gain and loss. At this point I was probably forty pounds heavier than my 2003 self portrait. Again, acknowledging my "clean" life but not terribly happy about my appearance. I ended up growing my hair all the way down to my shoulders. I have no idea why, lol, and one day, I just clipped it all off, shaving it with a razor down to the scalp.

My most recent self portrait from 2010. The hair is entirely gray/salt and pepper. I've lost weight, gained weight, and probably begun to lose it again. My "soul patch" is just about the only constant in my appearance since 2003. I'm old. I look old. I feel young. I walk to town every day in the winter, and ride to town on my bike every day in the warmer months. My life is teeny-tiny compared to my years in Manhattan and New Haven. My night life consists of what's on TV, My love life consists of my antiques. One of my biggest daily thrills is the first pot of percolated coffee of a blend of my own creation. I've made more lasting art in the past five years than I did in the previous twenty-five years, and I'm happy about that. I no longer think of life as a series of "what ifs" as it is a remembrance of what was. I no longer care about what the future might bring. I just hope I can create all of the rest of the art in my head before I can't physically do it anymore.

What the hell! This is me today. The plain unvarnished truth.

23 comments:

  1. A new Benz? I thought you still had the old Infiniti, hhaha.

    You look a lot like my neighbor Ken, except he is completely bald. He is the nicest neighbor you'll ever want and is a car fanatic. Maybe same age as you too.

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  2. Now that wasn't so hard, was it ?
    We all get older Casey, and your fairing much better than most !

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  3. Woody: I traded that Benz in on my Infiniti, The Infiniti was older but was a much better car!

    PX: yes, we get older but I don't have to like it! I don't like it one bit.

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  4. Oh what the hell...I'm older than you... I don't like it either ...and that the plain unvarnished truth. Thanks for the journey through time with casey....

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  5. it was about time I guess. this blog will be 1 year old in a few weeks. Just like Julie & Julia I was going to do my blog for 1 year only and then write about it. I'm not sure that's the plan anymore.

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  6. If you stop doing the blog I will have to move to CT, a day without Casey is no day at all.

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  7. Oh what a wonderful post Casey. You get to a certain age--well first you have to be fucking old to use that phrase, says me at 52!--you find some peace, hopefully, in who you are because, well, deep down it's the only you who you get to be. You can play with appearance and interests and obsessions and likes and dislikes, but you still have to live in yourself. The progression in these photos shows... growth? Something deep anyway. You don't look so happy in that Benz.

    Hey, I have a silver patch too...on the side of my head. You couldn't really see it when I was very young cause I was blond when I was little but when my hair darkened there it was. I'm frustrated with growing older sometimes, but I still count myself so very lucky: half of my friends didn't get to experience it. The gray in my beard feels like a trophy or something.

    And PS, I'm with Annie. No stopping the blog allowed.

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  8. Thank you Casey,

    This is exactly what I needed to read tonight.

    I can't afford to get my face lifted, but you have gone and lifted my spirit for free.

    Thank you so much again.

    AP
    Malibu

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  9. What a beautiful and unexpected prize here today! To see Casey! It's a jolt and a heart-tug, both at the same time. Hi Casey!

    Katie, not liking being old either

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  10. Casey you look fabulous! Seeing your face makes me miss you that much more. I heart you.

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  11. thank you. For me, posts like these are always the hardest to do, but I'm glad after I do. peace everyone!

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  12. Well, I'm older than you are by nine years and yes, there appear to be drawbacks to getting older from time to time, but as Betty White recently said on "Hot in Cleveland"

    You may look older but you don't feel it on the inside. On the inside you're still you. Or something like that.

    And as Ish said, so many of our friends didn't make it to 40 or even out of the 1980s, that I'm happy to be 62 and am sometimes amazed by the fact.

    I like the silver streak in your hair very much -- and your eyebrows are pretty amazing. Maybe we should all send you our pictures for you to post! (I'm kidding about that!)

    Paul, NYC

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  13. LET'S THROW CASEY A COMING OUT OF THE ATTIC PARTY TODAY. I KNOW I'D LIKE THE CASEY OF TODAY. YOUR ATTITUDE IS PERFECT. LIVE FOR TODAY AND ENJOY WHAT YOUR DOING. A DAY WITHOUT YOU CASEY IS LIKE NOT HAVING THAT CANDY BAR THAT I LOVE SO MUCH. YOUR GIFT OF CREATING HAS MADE SO MANY OF US HAPPY [EVEN BROUGHT SOME BACK TO LIVING LIFE]. YOUR VERY SPECIAL TO ALL OF US. IF YOU WERE TO STOP THE BLOG I'D HAVE TO COME UP THERE AND BUILD ME A LOG CABIN IN YOUR BACK YARD AND KEEP YOUR MEMORY ALIVE WITH A GRANITE STONE ENGRAVED WITH THE WORDS. CASEY ONCE LIVED HERE.YOUR A HANDSOME YOUNG MAN. TALK OLD WHEN YOU GET TO BE ANNIES' AND MY AGE. I LOOK AT 80 AS BEING OLD. SO WE HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. RIGHT ANNIE?

    GRANNY

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  14. Ouch, Granny! Hey, I'm 73 going on 45. When I can find time I will grow up, sign me....Peter Pan

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  15. ANNIE, YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD JOKE.

    OUCH, I'M PETER PAN.I'M 73 GOING ON 16.GOT YOU BEAT. LOL
    CASEY AND I ARE OUTSIDE MAKING SNOW ANGLES TODAY.

    GRANNY

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  16. FORGOT TO SAY ANNIE, IF YOU AND PX WANT TO COME OUT AND PLAY PLEASE DO. SNOW WAITING.

    GRANNY

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  17. Ohhhh, X and I enjoy the dark and dead of night much better. rofl

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  18. I've know you for a while now Casey. You've come a long ways. However, after recently laying our lives bare to our circle of friends I can truly say that there is something cathartic about it. You did a great job.

    Your blog is kind of what inspired me to communicate with family and my wife's huge circle of friends during her cancer treatment. The response and outpouring of prayers and well-wishes was truly astounding.

    As much as you and others encouraged me to keep writing I will return the favor. Your writings express what many of us feel, but don't have the words to say.

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  19. thank you so much, Barry. We have truly been on a journey these past several years, all of us. This electronic world is really something else.

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  20. I had you pictured as a blonde with a chubby face. I couldn't have been more wrong and it couldn't matter less! :)

    Katie

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  21. nice post...i like ur hair in 2006

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