Wednesday, September 29, 2010

OK, Get Up and Boogie!

For We May Not Have Tomorrow

 
OK. It's early Fall, 2010. If you're reading this you're alive. We've made it through most of the year in pretty much one piece, if a little bruised, broken, bent, and bemused. The sunlight is streaming in through the windows hitting the crystals hanging everywhere, breaking down the light in every possible color of the rainbow as it dances and trips and falls all over the room. (Disco ball photo courtesy Google Images)

R E M E M B R A N C E   O F   S O R T S — Gloria Gaynor was on Leno Friday night, singing one of her well-loved Disco songs, "I Will Survive" and it just sent me back 30+ years—as does almost everything these days, lol. Maybe it's because I've been spending the last few days going through boxes of stuff from my last move, reconnecting with some long-lost items and photos of friends no longer with us. Maybe it's because I still can't get over the fact that of all my friends, with all the craziness of our lives, I'm the one that made it to 53. Maybe it's because for all of my decades out in public, and looking for love in all the wrong places, I'm trying to reconcile the fact this era of my life is just as valid as my earlier life (lives?). THIS life carries the same importance as my earlier life filled with friends and family, if not more than my share of trauma too. It's a hard sell—I'm not sure I'll ever completely believe it.

Listening to these Disco songs is like driving in a time-traveling Delorean, I'm instantly transported back to the late '70s and early '80s. I'm in LA at Probe or Studio One, or folding clothes at Ah Men on Santa Monica Boulevard. I'm standing in line for the grand opening of The Mother Lode, or on the small dance floor at the Blue Parrot gazing up at the DJ on the balcony beaming down at me, saying everything that needed to be said with the twinkling in his eyes and the ear-to-ear grin on his face. I'm in New York at the Saint, one of thousands of like-minded men all going along on a collective trip to the center of the universe—and sometimes all the way back. I'm at Roxy, the Sound Factory, Mars Needs Men, or any number of downtown clubs, Pyramid, The Bar, The Tunnel, Spike, Eagle, a dozen others, I'm in San Francisco at the Trocadero, in New Haven at Partners or Les Oubliettes

I'm young, I'm high, I'm surrounded by people that like me for the first time in my life, I'm surrounded by men my own age that desire me for the first time in my life. I'm the center of attention when I walk into a room. I'm by myself in a dark corner taking it all in. I have money, I have dreams, I have tomorrow in all of its unknown glory, and I have the day after that and none of it scares me. I have the presence of mind to know I'm having the best time of my life, and the ability to ignore the cold chills that go down my back at times, attributing them to the last bump I did, not the cold, distant future I really know is coming like someone spitting on my grave.

I'm sweaty and hot and leaving the club at the wee hours of the morning and looking forward to the first streaks of sunlight on the walk or ride home. In LA, on Sunday mornings, after being in the clubs all night, I'm on my way to "Church" at Greg's Blue Dot, a bar that opens up at 6 am and has an outdoor dancing area where we can all continue to commune with our deeper souls. Our eyes say it all—pupils the size of saucers, twinkling like the disco balls we just left behind. I'm young and I'm not even aware of how much I'm trying to forget parts of my childhood. 

Now I'm old and trying to forget about my future. I create art that is a nod to the past—my past, my family's past, my friend's past. At this point in my life the future doesn't interest me in the slightest, not one damn bit. I'm trying to forget my dead friends' lack of futures, their lives cut short by AIDS, by cancer, by drunk drivers, by overdoses, by Life. I'm trying to forget everything that hasn't happened yet but which I know is coming. 

Some of the links below are actual videos, low resolution as is the norm at YouTube, but most are just a photo or two or a blank page with the song title. These songs will probably mean the most to my fellow 50+ year old gay boys, but I stand by their ability to transcend time and space and personal backgrounds with their absolutely infectious beats and rhythms and simple affirmations of life and love. They're the songs of our Coming of Age, they're the songs of our dead friends, they're the songs of our lives.

Rejoice that we're here this morning—this very second—and sing along and dance. Tap your foot and nod your heads and be just a little bit crazy this very second. Get up and boogie. We only have this very moment. Tomorrow—who knows?

The following links are twenty-three Disco songs I found at YouTube. I remembered most of them off the top of my head, but when I googled the artists I couldn't remember, I found a great list of songs by year which helped me fill in the gaps. I'm sure I left out some of the very best, but these are some of my favorite Disco-era recordings and the ones that really resonate with me.

Boogie Wonderland. Earth, Wind and Fire
This Time Baby. Jackie Moore
Don't Leave Me This Way. Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes (Teddy Pendergrass)
Runaway Love. Linda Clifford (long version)
Shame. Evelyn Champagne King (long version)
Got to be Real. Cheryl Lynn
Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now. McFadden & Whitehead
The Boss. Diana Ross (long version)
Mighty Real. Sylvester
Never Can Say Goodbye. Gloria Gaynor
Upside Down. Diana Ross (remix)
Bad Girls. Donna Summer
Ring My Bell. Anita Ward
Take Your Time (Do It Right). SOS Band
You Got Me Dancin'. Andrea True
Vertigo/Relight My Fire. Dan Hartman (long version)
Love Hangover. Diana Ross
Spring Affair. Donna Summer
Turn the Beat Around. Vicki Sue Robinson
Everybody Dance. Chic
Boogie Oogie Oogie. A Taste of Honey
We Are Family. Sister Sledge
Street Life. The Crusaders and Randy Crawford.

The list I found online of the greatest Disco songs of all time, here.

20 comments:

  1. casey, something wrong with you link. Song name takes us one place... and performer's name takes us to the you tube side/music. Or at least on my computer.

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  2. Morning, Annie!
    On my computer if I click on the artists name it takes me right to the song listed - only if I click on the song title will I get an error message. Did you try it that way ?

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  3. Casey what a really beautiful essay. You really captured something about our generation here.

    I've tried to communicate the emotional resonance disco music has to my 35-year-old boyfriend (yes I'm a cradle robber) and he kind of nods and says "cool" and you can tell he just doesn't get it. My list of favorite songs is a little different than yours but I've tried to play songs with a sweep of strings or a glorious bell-filled hook for him to convey the transcendence disco gave to us back in those long-ago days and, well, I guess you just had to be there.

    Maybe for those of us who have been graced with a middle age these sounds are just so haunted by all the faces left behind. Anyway thanks for this read.

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  4. Links HOPEFULLY fixed!

    Ish:Thank you! It's so hard to write about stuff like this, at least for me. But it's important to remember and get it right.

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  5. Casey I'm glad you put this back up. I linked to it on my facebook...

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  6. Casey, thank you so much for reposting. I didn't get a chance to read this originally and as always, your writing leaves me wanting to hear more, feeling as though I can see life through your eyes and knowing that no matter how different our experiences that the human experience is the most important and binding of all...
    We couldn't be more different and still much the same. Pain, suffering, joy, choices made (good OR bad) and on the list goes...
    I hope you can truly KNOW the validity of the life you are living now-and that you can have a peace within your very being.
    I understand that sharing some things is very difficult, but your voice and truth is so compelling and such a gift.
    Thank you
    mare

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  7. Ish: cool. thanks. It took me a while to rework the links. My little old iMac i use for the web really doesn't like video and it freezes a lot once they start playing, which they do automatically, and then I get that stupid spinning rainbow wheel....

    Mare: Thank you again. Your comments can bring a tear to my eyes. You get what I'm trying to say when I write and that's very gratifying. I always hope to get down to the kernel of "universals" that we all share no matter what our backgrounds/personal life is like.

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  8. Morning Casey, thanks for telling your story, there's a edge and truthfulness that resonates with me. I swear both of us must have a little lucky star that shines on us. I wish I had the courage to tell my story, it's a weight I carry around with me. Maybe if I just write it first and let the telling come later...

    Your being means a lot to me.

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  9. CASEY, I READ YOUR STORY BEFORE UNLESS I DREAM IT. I SAT HERE JUST CRYING.LIKE I'VE SAID BEFORE I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE GAY LIFE STYLE AND THE HURT IT BRINGS WITH IT. BY THAT, I MEAN HOW PEOPLE CAN BE SO ROTTEN TOWARD THE GAY COMMUNITY. WE ARE ALL ROTTEN AT LEAST ONCE IN OUR LIFE BOTH STRAIGHTS AND GAYS. I WAS PUSH UP AGAINST THAT WALL BY A GAY MAN'S REMARK AND I SAID SOMETHING VERY HURTFUL WHICH I REGRET TO THIS DAY. I SAID, I'M SORRY IN WRITTEN WORDS BUT WAS NOT ACCEPTED. THEREFOR IT'S HIS PROBLEM NOT MINE. CALLING A CHRISTIAN BASTARDS IS UNACCEPTABLE. FOR ME TO THROW BACK AN UNACCEPTABLE COMMENT BACK AT GAYS IS TOLALLY NOT ME. I JUST LOST IT. I SAID IT TO A THRID PERSON IN AN E MAIL AND THE COMMENT WAS FORWARD ON TO THIS MAN ON A BLOG I LOVED SO MUCH. I WAS DRAWN INTO A TWO PERSON TIFF AND IN THE END I WAS THE ONE PUNISH. THE PERSON THAT FORWARD MY COMMENT HAD THINGS TO SAY ALSO BECAUSE THINGS WERE SAID ABOUT HER POPE. FUNNY SHE DIDN'T FORWARD HER COMMENTS AND IT LEFT ME BEING THE BAD GUY.I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT SAID I'M SORRY FOR MY HATEFUL COMMENT. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. ONE OF MY FAMILIES BEST FRIENDS THAT CAME TO OUR HOUSE EVERY WEEK ENDED UP KILLING HIMSELF AFTER LIVING A LIE ALL HIS LIFE. HE DATED MY MOM'S BEST FRIEND FOR 30 YEARS. HE ALWAYS PROMISE MOM'S FRIEND THEY WOULD MARRY AFTER HIS MOM DIED. HE DID, LASTED 1 YEAR. THEN AFTER PACKING UP HIS CAR FOR A TRIP TO FLORIDA HE WENT DOWN TO THE APARTMENT GARAGE AND SHOT HIMSELF. HIS NOTE SAID I'M GAY AND I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. CAN YOU IMAGINE A LIFETIME LIE TRYING TO BE STRAIGHT. SOCIETY IN ITSELF IS VERY HATEFUL. ONE THING I'M GOING TO DO IS DEFEND THE GAYS THE REST OF MY LIFE. YOU'D BE SURPRISE AT HOW MANY STRAIGHTS GET IT. I THINK IT'S JUST THE OLD TIMERS THAT DON'T. THE YOUNGER GENERATION ARE MORE OPEN MINDED. EDUCATION HELPS ALOT.AT TWENTY I WAS SO BLIND BECAUSE BACK THEN THERE WERE THINGS YOU JUST DIDN'T TALK ABOUT.

    [ON AND ON AND ON.]

    YOU EITHER LOVE ME OR HATE ME. AT LEAST I TRY.

    LOVE AND HUGS
    GRANNY

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  10. thanks granny. Yes, this post was up last Saturday, but the music links were messed up so I took it down until I could fix them.

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  11. I"m not so sure it's really getting all that better some days. I just read about two teenaged boys that committed suicide because of all the the antigay bullying they received at school and at their christian churches. There's an absolutely vile video posted at YouTube by some christian that says that child that killed himself is now in Hell for all eternity. That's not exactly a positive message from someone that's christian. and the other organized religions are just as bad when it comes to being gay.

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  12. CASEY,I DO UNDERSTAND. I'M SO SORRY FOR ALL WHO HURT OTHERS. THIS WEEK A 60YEAR OLD MAN CAME OUT OF HIS HOUSE AND YELLED AT SOME KIDS THAT WERE SKATEBROADING IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE. IT HAPPEN IN MY DAUGHTERS DEVELOPEMENT. A PARK ACROSS THE STREET FROM HIS HOUSE A YOUNG FATHER WAS PLAYING WITH HIS 8 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. ANYWAYS, THE YOUNG FATHER GOT INTO IT WITH THE 60 YEAR OLD AND TOLD HIM TO LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE. THE 60YEAR OLD MAN WENT BACK INTO HIS HOUSE AND GOT A GUN. HE CAME BACK OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH GUN IN HAND AND MADE THREATS. WHAT HAPPEN? THE YOUNG FATHER WAS SHOT DEAD IN FRONT OF HIS 8 YEAR OLD. IS THIS RIGHT? NO. A BEAUTIFUL NEIGHBORHOOD. THE OLD MAN FORGOT HE PLAYED AS A CHILD. THE MAN DECIDED HE NEEDED TO GET HIS GUN. IF HE WAS THAT MAD HE COULD HAVE CALLED POLICE BUT TOOK THE LAW INTO HIS OWN HANDS. EVERYONE IS HURTING. THE 8 YEAR OLD GIRL WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

    SO JUST KEEP BRINGING ON THE FLOWERS, THE CARS AND KEEP BRING EVERYONE JOY. WE ALL NEED JOY.

    ONE THING I'VE LEARN IS GOD IS LOVE AND SATAN IS HATE. GOD GAVE US FREE WILL IN WHAT WE DO. HIS GRACE HAS MADE ME FREE. SATAN TEMPTS ME EVERYDAY BUT I DO TRY TO TURN MY BACK TO HIM IN EVERYTHING I DO. OF COURSE UNTIL MY BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL. THEN I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF TO TAKE A BREATH. WE AS PEOPLE ARE NOT PERFECT. THANK GOD I HAVE SOMEONE TO TURN TOO. MANY TIMES OVER MY LIFETIME THERE HAS BEEN TIMES WHEN I THOUGHT I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD I WOULD GET THROUGH WHAT EVER IT WAS THAT WAS HURTING ME AT THE TIME. OH YES, EVEN I HAVE BEEN HURT.
    SAVING THE WORLD I GIVE TO ANNIE.I'M SO TIRED AND HAVE SEEN TO MUCH.WE ALL HAVE A STORY.

    ON AND ON AND ON.''

    ANY FALL LEAVES TODAY.

    GRANNY

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  13. no color yet. all the trees are still green. we're supposed to have a cold snap soon, so maybe they'll change then.

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  14. That was a great story and sort of put me in perspective of my more formative years of going to bars in upstate Binghamton and walking back to my dormitory all alone. My desire for love was more on the sexual side back then, I was a younger man. As I grown older been in a bad relationships, it made me not want to marry and true to this day.

    Drinking and drugs aren't going to help in any respect, trust me!

    Anyway, there was an English play about a man facing his own difficulties(sexuality/drugs) which takes place in a London club. You don't have to be straight or gay to appreciate this, but I love the songs meaning:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd1O3F28lkQ&feature=related
    MP3:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c-l6Kml7lU&feature=related

    If have the MP3 itself which is 100x clearer. If anyone wants it, let me know .

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  15. "To reduce suffering means to reduce the amount of ignorance, the basic affliction within us." Thich Nhat Hanh

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  16. Brought a tear to my eye.

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  17. WOODY, ARE YOU RETIRED? JUST WONDERING. YOU MAY HAVE SAID BUT I NEVER CAUGHT IT.

    GRANNY

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  18. Thank you Casey for the flashbacks and wonderful descriptions of my life as it was back in the day. So many of those things happened to me, a straight woman looking desperately for love, to all of those same songs during that period. No, the drugs and drinks didn't help. No one came forward and loved me that stayed for long. I made a lot of mistakes but I lived a lot while I was doing it, and my intentions were always perfection. It was nice traveling with you tonight. Welcome home now.

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